And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
