Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
