Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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