we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't turn off my feet"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
