You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
