I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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