I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
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