This girl is more easily done than said...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
