I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
