The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
