Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
