Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
