she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
