Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
