Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
