I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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