dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
