There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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