I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
