12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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