I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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