Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
