I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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