Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
