There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
