I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
