So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
