So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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