you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
