I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
