true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
