I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
