# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
