currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
