Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
