remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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