found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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