If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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