and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
