Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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