Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
