He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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