Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
