I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
