my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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