did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
