i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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