My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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