This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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