I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
