just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
