The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
