I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
did you just send me my own nude
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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