my sisters under your porch take her home
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
