tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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